Top 10 Annoying Things

I feel that it is time for me to revisit things that annoy me in no particular order.

1. People who keep a nasty desk at work.
2. People who don't signal when they drive. (I hate that)
3. People who don't wash their hands after they use the bathroom.
4. Girls who let guys around their kids when they haven't known them for long.
5. Grown women who think that wearing bright ass weaves are cute.
6. Grown men who think that baggy jeans look fly.
7. Men who are more needy than women.
8. People who talk so loud when they are on the phone like everyone wants to hear their conversation.
9. Having to ask someone more than once to do something.
10. Someone who calls me and doesn't say anything on the phone. (Wait didn't you call me?)

I am so sick of the weather. My seasonal depression is kicking in. I don't want to get out of bed nor go to work or anywhere for that. I am getting so tired and ready to go to bed at 7:00 each night like I am an 80 year old. I need warmth and sunlight but I still want to stay in the same city, which I know is impossible. But I will keep wishing plus it's almost my bedtime.

It's almost the end of the week and I am still broke.....

*D.... Keep your head up. I bet they see now that they can't survive without you there.

I'm taking a step back.....

Boy am I glad that T's football is over. My weekends are now free. I am going to enjoy this so much. No having to get up at 8 am on Saturday and no having my entire Sunday afternoon taken by games. The things that we do for our kids.....

Milestone

I'm ready now.....

This week flew by and with another year of my life approaching within the next couple of days, has me really thinking about life. Choices that I have made over the years. Some really stupid that I wish I could take back but can't and some really smart ones that I will cherish forever.

My dad always told me to live my days like it's your last and I believe that. I know that he did. But I often wonder if he feared death.....Did he know it was his time... That will be a question in my mind forever that I will think of each and everyday.

I am contemplating whether or not to send a card to the other half of my family for their upcoming milestone. I think my conscience is really fucking with me lately. I guess with all this time on my hands I have nothing else better to do but to think.

About to take a step into something new for me, something permanent, hopefully I won't sink. Naaaaaaaaa I definitely won't, I'm a Champ.


*WG I hope that you are still being a Champ in every aspect. I am still trying, but as we both know that is a work in progress.

Bolthouse

For the past several months I have been addicted to this drink. If you haven't had it, please run to your grocery store or organic food store and pick up a bottle. Just one sip and you will be hooked.

Blue Goodness is my favorite and then Lemonade Mango. It's all natural and it fills you up. I drink so much I think that I will wake up one day and be a blueberry. I wonder if they have a bolthouse anonymous group?????

People

People come into your life for a reason and sometimes seasons, So they say..... I actually believe this. I have known many different people in my life and yes at the time they did serve a purpose. Some I just outgrew or they outgrew me. But at the end of the day I have to say that I am grateful for having them in my life whether it was just for a season or not.

It is Friday and not a day sooner. This temp thing is starting to wear on my nerves. Nothing really on the agenda this weekend but shopping and staying warm cause the cold weather is here.

I am thinking I may have to join a group for people who are addicted to the Syle Network channel. It is on the tv day and night. Everyone at home is starting to get sick of me and my shows. Oh well that's why there are other tv's in the house.

So finally a blog.

I have just really not been feeling this whole blog thing anymore. I have seriously thought about shutting this blog of mine down. I have just not been motivated at all. I have had so much bull shit go on in my life over the past month that I just don't even have anything at all to talk about.

Maybe the motivation will come back....

Fall

One of my favorite times of the year is just around the corner. I love fall I love seeing the leaves change, the holidays. I love being able to wear one of my favorite sweaters that fit me just right. The only thing that I do not like is the inevitable cold ass winter that follows.

My thought for the day....Please try not to hold on to things forever. If you can't work it out then it's time to just call it quits for good. Remember life is a learning lesson.

Watch Your Mouth

Words are a very powerful thing, sometimes even more powerful than actions. Words can cut through someone like a knife and I don't think that people realize that at times. So therefore I think that people should really think before they talk because you can really hurt someone or piss them the fuck off and that's not cool. Because like I always say, "Don't dish it out if you can't handle it" or like my grandmother (god bless her soul) would say "Do onto others as you want them to do onto you".

Quote of the day

"Some people just can't handle the truth"

Vacation here I come....

The count down is on. I only have to get through this work week and I am on vacation. I will be so glad not to walk into this place for a week. I get to sleep in. Not have to wake up with the birds. I know *A will be happy that he doesn't have to get up either.

So we have tentatively booked a 4 day getaway. But the weird thing is is that the kids don't really want to go anywhere. I remember when I was a kid I would be psyched if my mom's said that we were going away. I didn't care where as long as we weren't at home.

Family Reunions and the Beach

We had a family reunion on Saturday, and it was crazy because there had to be about 90+ people there and I knew only about 30. I have got to keep in touch with people.

I am sitting here tired as ever because we spent the entire day yesterday at the beach and didn't reach home until 10pm. I had to drag myself out of the bed to come into work this morning.

My eyes are burning.
My body is begging me to just lay down so that it can rest.
I still have sand in awkward places.
I look like shit..
I am wondering if my feet are going to be able to get me to my car at lunch time.

Note to myself: Next time call out of work.

When I am annoyed or frustrated it is very hard for me to hide it. Most people say that I wear my feelings on my sleeve. I guess they are right. In a way this works to my advantage by people knowing when I am pissed with them. But it works to my disadvantage at times by it being hard to lie to someone and tell them that everything is cool.

Today I have been sitting here at my desk doing absolutely nothing. My throat hurts, I am tired, I think I am really getting sick. This is not a good thing for me. To top it off my co-worker keeps coming into my office telling me how she thinks her cat is dieing because she can't find it. Like i really care to hear that all day long. My suggestion to her was for her to go home and look for her cat.

I just might take tomorrow off and sleep the whole day.

Missed Birthday Party

So what if I didn't go to your kid's birthday party. Get over it. I was invited to bring my child to someone who I occasionally say hello too kids birthday party. By the way my child only met this kid one time. So we didn't go. Well I never knew how bent out of shape someone can get about this. I mean this chick took it to a whole new level. Telling me and another person who didn't go to the party that she was waiting to start the party until we came and her kid was crying cause we didn't come. So i responded by saying that I wouldn't hold up my party for anyone and she could have called if she was so called "waiting for us". I think that some people just love the drama. So anyhow I deliberately say hello to her every time I see her to make her have to say something. It's been over a month now so she needs to get over it.

Fried Dough

We have been on a fried dough kick over the past week. I have made it for the house everyday over the past few days twice a day. Last night I officially ended our fried dough kick. So now we have agreed that we will only have fried dough if we are at a fair or park, etc...

Blogger

I don't know what is going on with blogger, but everytime that I do a new post it never shows up for me on my pc for like a week. But other people are able to see my posts. I am so annoyed. Does this happen to anyone else?

*SOD I would like you to know that I did sign T up for the Raiders last Sat. at Magazine Park. So we are all set. Yes we are with the winners for sure! Hopefully I will see you at one of the games. I am waiting for a new post from you.

*K did you get my message?

It's getting HOT

The temperature is getting hotter by the minute today. They say it will be in the upper 90's today. Boy do I wish that I could be off today. I would take the kids to the beach. This is a perfect beach day. But I guess I will have to make the best of my day by sitting here in this boring office with little work to do.

At lunch I will brave the heat and walk to my car that is parked so far away....LOL....I am off on Friday, but by then the weather man is saying that it will only be in the 70's and a chance of rain. How boring. I am going to be off on a not so nice rainy day. I have been having this itch to go back to FL to see my mother, well to actually surprise her with a visit, but I don't think that will happen because I have absolutely no vacation time left and I need to build up some time for the holiday season. Such is life.

Enjoy your day.

No one said relationships are easy

Why do some stay in a relationship when they know that the other person doesn't feel the same way about them that they feel? This really bothers me, because people will stay with someone who they know doesn't have the same feelings as they have and will continue to be miserable. Some people say that they will stay because of the kids or because of financial reasons. Some maybe scared of the change because they have become so comfortable in their current situation. Is it worth the sacrifice? Is it worth being so miserable everyday? Couples have their ups and downs but if you have been in your down period so long that you can't even remember the last time that you were in your up stage, then it's time to think about you and make those changes, not just talking about them to other people but actually acting on things.

If you are that miserable then you must do something to change it and not making excuses or saying things such as "if I was .....I would have been left". Most people get tired of hearing the same ol same. There is only so much someone can take.

I find it harder and harder to wake up and want to actually go to work lately. I wish I could cut my hours and just chill and have fun like some people. Then I am zapped back to reality and realize that I would absolutely go insane if I didn't go to work everyday and sat in the house or went to the mall because things get boring to me very quick. Plus I love my money. Yes I love my pay. If I didn't spend money so carelessly I would probably have a ton saved up.

So we have agreed to go away every three weeks for the weekend this summer. I don't know how that will work, I am kinda skeptical about the whole idea. I am just content with going to the beach and chilling all weekend.

It's amazing how you sometimes grow apart form people. I think about that often and think about people whom i've met and how we drifted apart. I wonder how they are doing and where they are in their life. etc....

They say you never forget your 1st love. That is something that I believe is true. I ran into mine a few years ago and haven't seen him since. I wonder what type of path my life would have taken if we had stayed together. Hmmm....Now that I think about it, I am glad that we didn't stay together. I am happy with what I have noow and I don't think that I would change it for anything.

I love this type of rain

I bet some of you are like "wow she has blogged two consecutive days in a row". Yes I am blogging today.

Right now it is raining so so bad outside and it is 81 degrees out. But I have to say that I love the smell of rain when it is hot outside. I feel like running outside and just standing in it.

I just may do that.

Yep that's right I am buying gas today

I know that I have been seriously lacking in my posts but I just really haven't had much to say. One thing that has me vexed is the gas prices. We canceled our summer vacation on account of these high ass prices.

Oh yea today is supposed to be the infamous don't buy gas day. I can't tell you how many times I have gotten an email telling me not to buy gas on a certain day and then the gas prices will go down. In the last 3 years I haven't seen it go down only go higher. So with that said... Yes I will be buying gas today.

On my way back from FL. I had so so so much time to just sit and think.

Are people satisfied with not being happy or do they just go with the flow? Do people ever think that it is annoying to someone else to always hear the same thing from them day after day? I know for me I don't care to hear someone tell me the same drama in their life all of the time. It's annoying, plus I am older now and for me dealing with the same stuff all the time isn't cool. Especially if you are telling everyone too. I need happiness around me. I am so content with me and my personal life that I have strayed away from those who can't bring me any type of joy. It's unhealthy. Just like with the chicks here at the JOB, I just realize that they will never be happy and they thrive off of everyone else being miserable just like them. So I just keep to myself basically and ignore them. Act as if they don't exist. My day goes by smoother that way too.

With that said. Have a great weekend. I am going to catch up on some overdue sleep.

Sometimes I wonder....What is the point of me blogging to let others know my thoughts, business, etc....when some or most of them are just lurkers or don't even have a blog themselves.

On to the next thing.

Next time this week I will be on my way to Florida and I'm very excited. Not that I am going there but because I will see my mom, brother, and others. Also, this time around I will be relaxing not doing to much driving. Nothing being rushed.

Sometimes it is good to be able to step out of your everyday busy routine and just be able to chill.

I have probably talked about this on a previous post. But, yes I am going to revisit this subject again....

It annoys me so much when people are just so undecided and don't know what they want to do.

For example, last night I am on the phone with *KW and *KW is currently working at a job where they treat her like shit. So *KW gave her resignation on Monday and now they want to offer her to work her hours that she wanted UNTIL they hire someone else. So *KW asks me what she should do? I am like WTF why would you even ask me something like that. You hate the job but now you would stoop down and stay there until they get someone else to replace you so then they can be like See ya? H0w stupid is that? If you gave your notice then you need to keep on stepping and stick to your original plan. After me repeating myself for the next 20 min as to why she should not stay until they found a replacement she still asks the dumb ass question. "So *T do you think I should just work until they find someone"

I at that moment wanted to hang up on her so so bad. But I couldn't, all I could say to her is "well like I have just been saying, if you want to stay and accommodate them then that's your business but why would you give your notice and then question yourself about staying past your 2 week to help them out, when from day 1 you have been unhappy and mistreated." This conversation that we had made me realize why her personal life is also a complete mess.

So sad....I would think that being that she is a 30 year old woman she would know what she really wants out of life. But I guess not.

Didn't it just snow yesterday????

OMG when is this snow going to let up. I had my plan to look fly today. I had the outfit all picked out. Then I look out the window this morning and I can't believe it. MORE SNOW!!! I am so sick of it. Well I got over my disappointment real quick and still rocked my fly outfit. LMAO....

I hope you look and feel as fly today as I do. Because even if you look fly if you aren't feeling it then you are defeating the purpose.

Quote of the day: "Try to understand why people do what they do. They have their reasons even if we don't know what they are". When we try to understand why people do what they do, we have more compassion.

New Template

I think it's time for me to really get girly, I have always loved the colors pink and purple so it's time for my blog page to reflect that too. I hope you like it because I love it. But if you don't I really don't care don't look.

Stomach

OK I think that our house is on the way to recovery after a week of hell. Literally HELL, I have officially been blamed as the virus bringer into the house. Yes I did start it off with the vomiting and what not and then it passed on to the baby who then passed it on to my hubby who then gracefully passed it on to W*. I tell you T* must have the best immune system because he still has not gotten it.

Once again it is snowing as I type this and I wish that it would stop. It's almost March, shit a girl needs some nicer weather. Oh yea and also when even a drop of snow hits the ground people act as if they can't drive.

Well let's hope for some better weather at least for next week.

Well it's about time...

I am ready for spring to come. This whole seasonal depression thing that I have is really starting to annoy me. Plus my bones ache like I am an 80 year old woman.

I am so ready to be able to drive with my windows down and not have to wear 100lbs of clothing, I want to be able to walk out with my flip flops on. This is going to be a really nice summer for us. We have a few long weekend trips planned that I am really looking forward to. Of course I will be heading to FL too.

On another note....In a perfect world people would know exactly who and what they want and not play with the other person's emotions. But that's why we are living in a fucked up world where people would rather string someone along and not just be up front and honest with them.

With that said....

Have a good day!

Computer at home is not allowing me to go online and I am pissed. So now I have brought myself to blog from work. The thing is, I have blogged from work before, but I am never in a relaxed state of mind when I am blogging from here.

I guess now winter is coming here finally. They are predicting temps in the 20's for next week. I am not looking forward to this.

I have been on vacation this entire week and I have not accomplished a damn thing. I set all these goals of things that I wanted to do this week and everyday that I wake up something new comes up.

I am pissed. I brought 4 fish last night to go in the fish tank, no later than 3 hours later T* comes and lets me know that one fish is dead. Ok cool, I can deal with that. But don't you know that when I got up this morning, what do I see but half of another fish just floating up top. And to top it off I see one of my old fish nipping at it. WTF... did this fucking fish kill my new fish!!! I am gonna throw that big ol' fish out the window. Also, the big fish was labeled a "community fish" not an "aggressive fish".

Ok they are predicting snow on Monday, I am not looking forward to driving in it, shoveling it or just plain dealing with any type of snow. Well one good thing is I will finally get to see how the new truck handles in the snow.

No plans for New Years Eve but to stay in the house where it's safe. I actually wanted to go out this year, unlike last year where we did go out but I wasn't really in the mood. Hmmmm....

Happy Birthday Thumper

HAPPY BIRTHDAY THUMPER

Sorry I didn't call you but you were in my thoughts. I hope you had a great day. Now do you feel old?

Next Level

A new year is approaching. Time for a new outlook on life. Choices that are right and not wrong. Time to start a new level in my life. A level that I have wanted to be in for a long time. I am worth it. Out with the old bull shit. A time for positive things in my life and hopefully in others that I surround myself with. I am happy. I hope and pray that this happiness continues. Through thick and thin and in the end 2 are still standing stong knowing that this time around nothing and no one will ever come in between them. They won't let it. The love is stronger than ever before. The TRUST is 150%. Also the 2 know that they can't please everyone and make everyone happy, but they do know that they make eachother happy and at the end of the day nothing else matters. (A sigh...)

Thump. I am sorry that I didn't tell you, but the decision was made and I didn't speak to you during those days. I promise though that if we had spoken, you would have known. You know that!
K* Thanks for calling me. I miss you and our sometimes crazy conversations.

I hope that everyone had a nice Christmas. I did.

Finally a blog

It has been a long time since I have really blogged and well I have to say that the month of November was one of the worst months in my life. In a matter of 2 weeks my mother had a stroke and my father passed away, and one of my very good friends and co-workers died. How much worse could it be. Also I am tired of talking about everything that has happened in my life so now it's out and anyone who personally knows me who didn't know what was going on in my life knows now. Sorry that I neglected to tell any of you who dind't know but it's too hard for me to talk about.

Now I am finally starting to get my mind straight but there are still stresses that I am dealing with. Some days are good and some are bad.

Today is a good day.

Happy Thanksgiving


Be safe

Things that Annoy Me

Things that Annoy Me (In no particular order)

• If you call me, have a purpose, I don't have time to listen to dead silence. That's high school stuff, I have been out of school for almost 11 years, I don't like to revisit with things like this
• Women who would rather party than spend time with their children
• Weak Men (You out there know who you are, please get a back bone)
• Co-workers approaching me when I just walk in the door with dumb stuff (let me take off my coat and get settled first)
• Women who act like they can't do anything themselves (the key word is try first)
• People letting me know too many personal things about their lives when I haven't even asked in the first place and really don't care to know.
• People who don't get it when I tell them I am focusing on my family and don't really have the time anymore.
• People who call me and don't leave a message and then get mad when I tell them that if they call and don't leave a message then I just assume that they didn't call. (All you really have to say is your name and to call you back. How hard can that really be)
• If I respond to you emails and calls very vague then that should tell you something. (I don't want to be bothered)
• Clipping your toe nails on the bed. (Nasty)
• Allowing your cat to walk on your counters (Remember I will never eat from your house)
• If you call me and I tell you that I Will Call You Back. Why would you call me back? I still don't get this one.
• Don't bitch and whine about the same thing over and over again to me and you are not doing anything about it.
• People who are old enough to make up their mind about what they want and don't.

There you have it. Like I said in no particular order these are the things that annoy the hell out of me.

Thought for the day

Sigh.... I'm annoyed

DRAMA

Drama.....

I am beginning to wonder if people love drama. The more and more that I observe people, I realize that it seems as if some people are unable to survive unless there is some type of drama whether it be work, relationships, friendships, money, etc. It's like some kind of sickness that you can't get rid of. I hate it and it's unhealthy. I have been thinking a lot. My mind has been in over drive because I am starting to back away from all of the people who surround themselves with all the nonsense. Why can't people strive to want to have positives in their lives and try to rid themselves of all of the negativity. You will live longer. So please forgive me if you are around me and I tend to ignore you or leave when you start with all of this and that. I would rather choose not to involve myself.

Dear Friend

Dear Friend(KW*):

This letter is to thank you for putting up with all of my shit over the years. I would like to thank you for always keeping it real with me no matter what. For accepting me and letting me be me. For understanding my situation with my man and not judging me because you are going through the same thing and can relate 100%. Thank you for holding our friendship down when your hater sister tried to come in the way and still is from time to time. Thank you for listening to me rant and rave over my annoying family because who else knows them better than you. Over the 14 years that I have known you, we have become more like sisters than friends and I hope that will continue for ever.

Thanks

Letter to You

Hey You... Yes you I am talking to, I don't know if I ever told you this, but over the years it really annoyed me on how into yourself you are, and how you thrive off of attention and act like a baby when you don't get it. Hmmmm Sad. Doesn't the truth really hurt???? Sorry but your years of lies are finally over in my area.


TGIF

Stay Informed

I was talking to a friend today and I asked her about how she felt about the company she works for is being sued and it has been all over the news, etc for the past week. She told me that she didn't know anything of it. Now I am thinking to myself, how stupid can you be?" So she proceeds to put me on hold and ask one of her co-workers if she knew and the co-worker told her yes. So she comes back on the phone with me and says "Well I guess I am the only one here who didn't know about it." How dumb did she feel at that moment. Then she says to me that she doesn't read the paper nor has time to check things on the internet. I guess what I am trying to say is stay in touch with your city and know what's going on because you look and sound really stupid when you don't know the latest going ons.

Breathe

I can breathe a sigh of relief. A new day a new beginning. I feel good. Enjoy your day

Not stupid

It's time to stop with all of the games that you are playing. If you think that I am wrong then please call me on it. But it is very clear to me and others that you feel that you are being slick with your actions. Well it's not cute anymore, actually it's getting old and like some people say "been there done it" so nothing that you are saying or doing is new. In the end you are going to be the one with the broken heart not others. Bottom line is be an adult and own up to your shit and keep it real Stop Playing Games.

Fall is almost here. I just love seeing the leaves change color. I have to say that is one reason that keeps me still living in New England.

Anyways, it's payday so I am glad. This weekend we are going out of town for a mini vacation. I am kind of looking forward to it.


On another note...

To you....If you are reading this you know who you are, because I do know that you do read my blog once in a while. I want you to never bother me anymore. Sorry but I am tired of our friendship. Like they say friends come and friends go. (K* and Thump* This is not for you two...you know you are my peoples.)

Personality Test

All I can say is wow....

http://www.personalitypage.com/ISFJ.html

Amazing how some people are so weak. Do the damn thing, stand on your own, branch out on your own. Stop being so scared to try something out of the ordinary.

I am also sick of dumb men who stay with someone who they know is not right for them simply because you are in a comfort zone or they are scared of someone else being around their kids.

Why stay and your are that miserable. It's time for a change.

Sigh

Sigh....Big Sigh.....

This is getting really old and I am getting really annoyed at the whole situation. Deal with it yourself.

WoW that felt good. I needed to get that off of my chest. {Please don't ask}

Anyways

Love....
Love is a powerful word and I think people sometimes use it in the wrong context. Please remember if you tell someone you love them be prepared for the consequences that may follow... Also being IN LOVE is different than just telling someone you love them. Get my point??? Look I am tired and there is a lot of things that I would like to say...Wait scratch that, there are a lot of things that I need to say but refrain from saying them because I don't need to hurt anyone's feelings. So I will keep my mouth shut and keep the peace. Sometimes it's better that way anyways.

Very Interesting....

The Case of Ota Benga

In 1906 the crowds thronged the monkey house exhibit at the Bronx Zoo (New York Zoological Park). Here were man's "evolutionary ancestors" - monkeys, chimpanzees, a gorilla named Dinah, an orangutan named Dohung and an African pygmy tribesman named Ota Benga.
Ota Benga was brought from the Belgian Congo in 1904 by noted African explorer Samuel Verner along with other pygmies and displayed in an exhibit in the 1904 St. Louis world's Fair. Ota Benga (or "Bi", which means "friend" in his language) was born in 1881, had a height of 4 ft. 11in. and weighted 103 lbs. Although he was referred to as a boy he had been married twice. His first wife had been captured by a hostile tribe and his second wife died by a snake bite.
After the St. Louis exhibit, Ota found himself at the Bronx Zoo which at that time was under the direction of Dr. William T. Hornaday, who was considered a bit eccentric. Hornaday believed animals had nearly human thoughts and personalities, and he could read the thoughts of zoo animals. He "apparently saw no difference between a wild beast and the little Black man" and insisted he was only offering an "intriguing exhibit". (Jerry Bergman, Creation Ex Nihilo, Vol 16, No 1 Dec 1993-Feb 1994 p. 49, quoting Carl Sifakis, "Benga, Ota: The Zoo Man", in American Eccentrics, Facts on File, New York, 1984, p. 253)
The exhibit was immensely popular and controversial; the black community was outraged and some churchmen feared that it would convince people of Darwin's theory of evolution. Under threat of legal action, Hornaday had Ota Benga leave his cage and circulate around the zoo in a white suit, but he returned to the monkey house to sleep.
In time Ota Benga began to hate being the object of curiosity. "There were 40,000 visitors to the part on Sunday. Nearly every man, woman and child of this crowd made for the monkey house to see the start attraction in the park - the wild man from Africa. They chased him about the grounds add day, howling, jeering, and yelling. Some of them poked him in the ribs, others tripped him up, all laughed at him." (Creation Ex Nihilo, quoting Phillip V. Bradford and Harvey Blume, "Ota Benga: The Pygmy in the Zoo", St. Martins, 1992, p. 269, from the "New York Times" Sept. 18, 1906) At one point, he got hold of a knife and flourished it around the park, another time he produced a fracas after being denied a soda from the soda fountain. Finally, after fabricating a small bow and arrows and shooting at obnoxious park visitors he had to leave the park for good.

After his park experience, several institutions tried to help him. He was placed in Virginia Theological Seminary and College but quit school to work in a tobacco factory. According to Hornaday (who probably had evolutionary racist views) "he did not possess the power of learning" (Creation Ex Nihilo, Vol 16, No. 1 Dec. 1993-Feb 1994, pp. 48-50).
Growing homesick, hostile, and despondent Ota Benga borrowed a revolver, and shot himself in the heart, ending his life in 1916.

Lately I have been a little short with people, the kids, just everyone....I guess that I am just really getting tired of all of everyone's bull shit. You know it gets tiring after a while, people with their same ol stuff day in and day out. And it seems as if it is all being dumped on me. And while I try to be a team player, I just can't anymore. My home life has some curve balls in it that need to be attended to....and for me that is extremely important....It's time for me to do me and my family at home.

Life is to short for people to not know what they really want out of life...If you truly know what you want, then do it stop waiting because no one is promised tomorrow. And if you want to get something off of your chest, But are afraid of hurting someone's feelings, it's better if you just say it and get it over with. You can't make everyone happy....Also, you can't spend your life dwelling on the past and things that happened before because you surely can't go back to yesterday so leave it as yesterday and focus on today. All you can do is go forward.

Things

There are certain people's blog pages that I visit frequently and others that I don't. One thing that I have noticed lately is that the pages that I do visit once in a while the things that people say or comments that have been made on their pages by other people are very enlightening.

Anyways....
Life has been cool except for the occasional situations that happen with other people. For instance EI* is a social worker and gets a fucked up message from one of her clients on her voicemail on Friday. Now EI* is all pissed over it, which I understand. But now it is Monday and EI* is still bitching over this same message. So I say to EI* "Look get over it because you have no control over what people say to you, but also you can't let it ruin your entire weekend and now the beginning of your week." I can tell by the tone in EI*'s voice that she is like whatever. Oh well you can't please everyone.

family vacations

So i don't know if you remember my post a while back, but I mentioned that I was going to Florida to see my moms and it was turning into a fiasco.
Now....
I'm back and I have to say this Never Ever Ever Ever will I subject my self and my kids to a fucking ride in MY car with my Aunt. What a fucking joke.

Shit to make a long story short, She only paid for $80 worth of gas the entire time. This is Round trip and most of you know how expensive gas has gotten and think about driving a SUV about 1,200 + miles each way!

Then she had to be reminded that she would not try to punk me or make me out to be the bad one when clearly she was lying about her rental car situation when we got there. UGGGh....

It was so hot and humid there but otherwise aside of the family arguement and other bullshit. The trip was ok. Plus I got to see my mom. We went to the beach a couple of times and swam in the pool the other days, so that was cool. Oh yea we went to Sea World where none of my kids wanted to go and I didn't either, but I had to be a team player so I went.

Oh yea, one thing that was so funny was when I was in Burger King and this guy comes in with no damn shoes on just bare ass feet like it was nothing smiling and shit. Doesn't he know he looked like a damn fool. Also when I was standing in line behind about 3 other women and another comes along and says to me "They only got one seat in there?" I almost died with laughter. It was the way she sounded. LOL>..

I'm sitting here with you. I know that you are talking to me but I can't even comprehend what you are actually saying. I am just trying to fight back the tears that I can feel coming. WFT I am thinking that I need to be stronger. I can't let you see me cry. I try to change the conversation by telling you that we need to close the windows cause it's raining. But you instantly keep on telling me that I am special to you and always will be. Fuck it that's not good enough for me. My selfish ways are wishing that you would just say fuck it I am not leaving. But that's just a hope and a wish and of course that's not reality. I told you before it's a piece of my heart that's being ripped away.

Hot on a Sunday afternoon.

Happy Father's Day to all of the dads who are out there doing right.

I was talking to a friend the other day and I have come to the conclusion that I must be getting old or something. I mean she was talking about a lot of things that I had no idea what it was. Shit we even spoke about how long it has been since I have had a drink. LOL....
I got to thinking later and maybe it is just me growing changing .....

Oh it is 91 degrees right this moment and I am hot as fuck. This is too much for me. I feel like all I can do today is sleep. I can't even function. This heat has me all annoyed.

Work is tomorrow and if it is this hot tomorrow I am going to have a fucked up day. I really wish I had just got in my car today and went to the beach.

Jealous/Envy

Why do you Envy me?
Damn this little game that we keep playing is getting really annoying.
I see the jealously in your eyes when I tell you about the happiness in my life.
Damn girl get a fucking life.....

Does it bother you when you see they way your man looks at me when I am around?
Don't you just hate that I am doing something with my life and you are in the same position that you were in last year.
That's your fault....

Enough of all of this jealousy grow the fuck up and do you cause I am definitely doing me.

So finallly there is some nice weather headed our way. It's about damn time.
I am a little annoyed that I haven't set up my pc at home. Now *T's computer is set up in his room but I just haven't found the time to set up mine.

This was an ok weekend I definitely can't complain especially when you are in a happy home. LOL...

The last day of school is next Tuesday so the kids summer vacation is almost here. in 5 weeks we will be yet again trying to attempt on our trip to FL.

On another note. Someone please tell me how the hell are you going to charge $25.00 to take out one bag of trash.

What If's

What if we hated eachother?
What if we weren't just friends
What if we did have that real date?
Would we have made it?
Would it have worked?
Would you be happy?
Would I be happy?
What if we had a baby?
Would we care what people thought?
What if we never met?
Would our paths have ever crossed?
Would I think that you were "the one"?
What if I told you I loved you?
Would you have told me back?

Problems

What a day....

Today I felt as if I was everyone's counselor. After listing and hearing everyone's problems, I realize that my problems that I have could be a lot worse. I may live paycheck to paycheck most of the time but, a least I am not dealing with the type of shit that I heard from two different individuals today who are not struggling like me but have hang ups in different situations.

Well tomorrow is payday!!! I am so glad cause this move has drained me completely. I am still settling in and still have a few more boxes to unpack.

Finally we are done with the move. I tell you this past weekend was so extremely tiring. I am glad that that part is over with. Now we are in the process of unpacking and I am starting to find that I brought shit that I won't even use. WTF....

I am about sick of this damn rain here. Someone please tell me when it will be over.

Have you ever wanted to just tell someone that you feel that their choices are just plain ol' stupid. That you think they are a complete fuck up!

You have right.

Well that is how I am feeling and I am seriously debating telling someone this. I have been a major bitch lately and I guess that this is contributed to things going on with people in my inner circle that are upsetting me.

I need to just let it go. But honestly it is hard sometimes.

*K..... I will explain this to you.

Memorial Day

I have finally gotten excited about our little mini get away this weekend. I guess since the weather man is predicting highs near 90 I am all excited. We leave tomorrow morning and come back Monday afternoon.

I was thinking the other day how times have changed. I remember when Memorial Day was the big cookout day with my family. Now, no one even bothers to have one. Hmmmm....

Enjoy your weekend, I know I will.!!!!

The Letter

Dear *You*:

I am sorry but I can't do this with you anymore. I am tired of being your chick on the side. I deserve better than this. No we absolutely can not be friends anymore. I don't need to see you or talk to you again. Let's just put it as if we never met each other. Obviously you never had any intentions of leaving her because no matter how bad you say your relationship with her is. The fact remains YOU ARE STILL WITH HER! Well it was nice knowing you. FUCKER

Randoms

Rain Rain and More Rain. I am so sick of this rain it's not even funny. It has been raining for so many dates that I can not even remember how many. Then yesterday the sun is out just to tease us and now back to this shit. What even pisses me off more is that I have bad hair days with all this rain. Fuck!!!

Anyhow....*T's birthday is tomorrow so that will be nice.

I am so in need of a vacation that I wish I could take one right this moment. Once again I am re-evaluating the people around me. It's time to close another chapter in my life. Time to really be around people who have positive things going for them and people who know what they want and actually don't just talk about it but do it.

I am starting to have absolutely no patience what so ever for certain individuals who are unhappy with their life choices and talk about the shit everyday but aren't doing a damn thing to change it.

So with that said. Have a great weekend!!!

The Move

Well we are moving at the end of the month. I am excited but also stressed at the same time. I hate packing. I truly wish that I could just have someone pack my stuff for me. Then there's the stress on the actual move day. The last time we moved it sucked. The entire day was so damn draining. Then the unpack. I think that I will take an entire day off of work just to unpack. Because it is virtually impossible to unpack everything in one day if you work. There is no way I know that I could do that with having to come home and take care of the kids. We are going on a mini vacation for Memorial Day weekend and then come home to move. Maybe I will get a little relaxation over those few days away..... Oh well it's a never ending story.

Happy Mother's Day!!!

School trips and bad breath

Today I went on a school trip to an art museum with Whit. As I was sitting on the school bus and the kids were loud as shit with all of their talking and signing, I was thinking to my self there is no fucking way that I could be a teacher and deal with this every single day. Damn, those kids were a hand full. They wore me out and I was only with them for 2 1/2 hours. I wonder if parents thought the same about my class when I was younger and they chaperoned on the school trips. LOL..

The weather was nice and I was in a good mood. That is until after the trip I went back to work. Me and a couple of my co-workers are trying to figure out how to tell another co-worker that her breath smells like shit. But see no mater how you tell someone something like that it will hurt their feelings. But dam this chick is one of those people that come right in your face. All invading your space. I am not as nice as my other co-workers, shit I come quick with the bitch attitude and it is usually very obvious I am extremely particular on who I want coming all up in my face. If I am not fucking you then back the fuck off.

Now come to think of it, I wonder if this chick takes a shower/bath everyday, cause chick smells a little like hot bologna. LOL.....

Well we will attempt our trip to FL again in July. Hopefully we will make it there this time.

This weekend was a nice one. I went to a surprise b'day party for my friend and Whit. had a friend sleep over. I have to say that I need her to have more friends sleep over. I didn't have to talk to her once. They were so silly playing dress up. One would have on a ballerina outfit and the other would have on a cat outfit. Then all of a sudden they would switch. LOL....I will have to post the pictures soon.

Today it is going to be so nice out. I am sporting my spring gear today. I can not wait until the weather is consistently nice out.

NO I 'm not dead. I just have been crazy busy over the past few weeks.

New car.....

Yes a girl is moving up. I have a brand new car and I am damn proud of myself. My old car was almost 10 years old and starting to give me little problems. Check out my new one....

Cute huh????? I love it.

Anyhow...I know it's Spring but over the past few days you would hardly know it.

K I know this is kinda late but...it was so nice to see you.

Oh my brother is coming up here next week. That should be interesting since every conversation that we have is him telling me he's grown. LMAO....

Hump Day

Today is Wednesday and another day closer to the weekend. I am so glad that Spring is here even though it doesn't feel like Spring yet.

Finally

They wonder why some women stay with a man who treats them like shit. Well, I have started to see the tables turned.

How in the hell can you stay with her and she talks to you like you ain't shit and treats you like you aren't shit but you call yourself a man. Hmmmm... I beg to differ.

Yea it's been a while since I last posted. I guess I haven't had that itch to say much. But I do read other peoples posts almost everyday.

High blood pressure. Yep that's my new diagnosis. Ain't that a bitch. Never in my life would I think that this would be me. But unfortunately it is. So this has been another eye opener in the past months that has happened to me. But this is very serious to me. I am definitely changing my life style my eating habits, etc. Yea and increase the days that I go to the gym to a minimum of at least 3-4 days. I value my life.

Week from HELL

Well it's been a really long time but you will understand when you see what has been happening in my life.

Shit this past week has been the week from HELL!

Let's see....Thursday, Feb. 16 started it all. T came home with vomiting and diarrhea then by Saturday, myself, Whit. and the baby had what seemed to be a head cold (coughing, etc...) By Sunday morning I was feeling somewhat better and the baby seemed to be improving.

Well...by mid afternoon something did not seem right with Whit. She was not remember things she was saying off the wall things, etc.... I was getting nervous as hell so we called the doctors and they said to come right in to the ER.

Long Long Long story short, Whit was diagnosed with Encephalitis and Influenza Type A.!!!! Thank god I was observant and brought her in when I did. We got to bring her home on Sat. but it is going to be a long haul though with follow up doctors appointments her getting her strength back, etc... But she is expected to have a 100% full recovery.

Oh yea and also the baby also has Influenza Type A but since he had it in his system so long the medicine that they would have treated him with would not work, so we will just have to ride it out with him and be very observant.

I have had laryngitis for the past 4 days so I can barely talk to anyone. But one thing that i have to say is that thank god the other half did not get sick so that there is someone who can take care of all of us.

Monitoring....

WTF...All of a sudden I can't even check my email without knowing that they are monitoring it. Fuck it, if they want to do it then more power to them. But I'd be damned if I get fired for just checking my yahoo.

Once again yes this job is working me, but in a good way.

I hate when I have to do something but I really don't want to. I wish I could just stay here without hurting people's feelings. Or better yet, I just don't go and people understand and stop being so fucking selfish. Ugghhhh....

So I was talking to *KW and she was going on about all of the baggage her man has and how she doesn't know if she wants to even deal with it all. I completely understand where she is coming from. I don't think anyone wants to be in a relationship or attempting to make something with someone and they still have A LOT of baggage that they haven't dealt with and don't seem as if they are doing anything about it anytime soon.

Update

It's been a few days since my last blog but I have to tell you that this new job has me working my ass off. I barely have time during the day to check my email. But this is a good thing for me. At my last job there was A LOT of down time. I am a person who needs to have something to do at work or my days will drag.

Well, not much else to say...my home life has been really good so that's a good thing. I can't wait until the weekend, I will be going to Ikea but just to browse and maybe pick up a few things, nothing big.

*K Hey girl.
* Thump the ext. is 5608

I miss her...
My grandmother, it's been a little over 8 years since she passed but lately it seems as if it was just yesterday. She has been on my mind every single day. Hmmmm...

Well so far the new job is going well. I have been going into work with a positive attitude everyday. The only thing is that I have been working my ass off and coming home tired as hell and falling right asleep by 8.

Today is payday so you know a girl got a little pep in her step.

Have a good one.

*K how have you been?

Tomorrow is my official first day at the new job. It's crazy because I am actually kind of nervous. I guess I am just afraid that I will screw up on something or what not.

Tomorrow is my official first day at the new job. It's crazy because I am actually kind of nervous. I guess I am just afraid that I will screw up on something or what not.

How dare you...

I am talking to my half sister online tonight and telling her that I am going to Florida in Feb. to see MY mother.
So she proceeds to ask me when I am going and I tell her. All of a sudden...

This chick says, "I will be there that Wed - Sat." Hold the fuck up. WHO invited her?

Not me.

Now I never replied to her comment, because I am literally in shock as to see how BOLD people can be.

This ain't (Yes I know ain't is not a word) even her momma, and who said I wanted to visit with her on MY vacation and where does she think she is going to stay? Hmmm her bubble will be burst real soon when I let her know she is not invited to my visit.

Now I could also see her wanting to go if she had a relationship with MY mother, but the girl doesn't at all.

Damn young and old people amaze me with their inconsiderate, rude, bold, inviting themselves where they weren't invited selves.

TGIF

TGIF...damn have I waited for this day. I seriously did not want to get out of bed this morning.

Now Whitnee has managed to come into our room every single night this entire week. Last night was her last night cause I was tired of being squashed. It also seems that my king size bed is feeling like a damn twin with her in it. Uggggggggh.....


Enjoy your weekend.

*Thump I just had a peanut butter and fluff this morning. Terronce brings one to school everyday. LOL

*Loc are you still out there?

*K. Try the ketchup out of the fridge. It's much better.

Hot Dogs and Beans

I hope that everyone had a good new years and didn't do anything stupid.

I mostly chilled the entire weekend.

When I was younger, I hated when my mother or grandmother would make pork and beans with hot dogs in it. Now.....I find myself eating this ghetto mix a couple of times a month. I will cut up the hot dogs and put ketchup and sugar in the bean and fuck it up. LOL..

I have a little over a month until my trip to FL. I can't wait to go to see my moms.

I didn't make any New Years Resolution. I feel that you don't have to wait until Jan 1. to say you will do something. You should do it no matter what. Who cares what day it is.

Well I have started my training in my new position and it is going well. I am hoping that I will be able to remember everything in the next few weeks. Since I have to be back at the current job until Jan. 13.

Here is a pic of us taken Sunday out in the rain. I am dying over the face that my oldest is making.

Christmas....I am glad it came and went.

I have been considering getting a tattoo. Nothing big and fancy just my nick-name. My only worry is that I will not like it once I get one.

I made the trip to Boston again yesterday, I actually had a nice time.

I hope that everyone had a good Christmas.

Today was just one of those days where I could not seem to find anything to wear.
I must have looked for a good 20-30 min through my closet to find something. Then
I finally decide on a particular skirt and put this sweater on with it and end up not liking the
way it looks so then I am back to square one looking once again. I finally just put some pants on and then leave out the house with the wrong shoes on.

I guess it is going to be one of those days.

I love my fur coat (yes it is real, a couple of dead rabbits) and I am really considering buying myself another one.

Today is our entire department's holiday luncheon. I wish I could just skip it and run to the mall, but I will go and be a team player.

Nosy People

It truly amazes me how nosy people are

I am sitting here at my desk minding my own business reading someone else's blog page,
One of my co-workers comes on the side of me and as I minimize my screen she says, "why did you make it small, the colors made it look like you were reading something interesting."
Now I think real quick as to how I will reply to her because in all honesty she is cool peoples. I want to tell her to mind her business because I am just in one of those moods. But instead I tell her "it's personal, not for others to read", I guess I sounded rude because she looked offended as hell. But see this is where I draw the line, I can't stand people who are down right nosy.

On another note....

I am still in my process of weeding people out of my life. Sat. I cut someone out who at one time was very very dear to me, but things just weren't healthy with us so our time came on Saturday and I ended that friendship.

I feel as if 2006 has got to be better for me. I am so tired of all the bull shit that I have been dealing with.....so hopefully I will get some kind of break.

Things

This weekend went by way to fast for me. Now it's Monday once again and I am back to my usual routine.

I really wish I could jump on a plane and go and see my mom, I miss her a lot. February is not coming fast enough.

I did some Christmas shopping last night. It is so amazing how many people were still out on a Sunday night shopping. I mostly brought clothes, I am still trying to figure out what to get a good friend of mine. Hopefully I will think of something very soon.

company holiday meal

Today was the Company's "Holiday Meal". Since I have been here for the past 4 years it has been the same thing. Either baked stuffed chicken or prime rib. Me of course, gets the chicken each year. Oh yea and they give you something stupid like this year everyone got a calendar and last year it was a Christmas CD with songs on it from 1920. You would think with all the money they profit that it could be a little better.

I am also suffering from an awful sinus infection so I am a little cranky. Hopefully with some rest I will start feeling better.

Finally...

I got the call... After agonizing over and over. driving myself crazy wondering if I would make the move or not. Now all of my worries are over and a new set are coming in. But one thing that I can say is that this is just another page in the new Chapter of my life. (only a few will know what I am talking about)

On another note, I am dead broke and really stressed about it.

Christmas

I can't believe that Christmas is right around the corner.
I love the holiday's though. My aunt sent me an email asking
what I was doing on Christmas day, I still have not responded to her yet.
I know her plan is to come here, but I honestly like to be with my family at home,
I know I must sound like a mean bitch, but you have to know my aunt to know what I mean.
Maybe the day after. I will have to think about it. So the weather man says that
we will get anywhere from 4-10 inches of snow between tonight into the morning tomorrow.
I don't care if it snows, but I just really hate driving in it.

Well I approach the boss, let her know and then she proceeds to say that she is happy but, she would want me to stay until she hires someone else. I am like WTF I know how long that would take. There is no way that I would wait that long. So....I speak to my supervisor about it and she agrees with me that there is no way that could happen. I am relieved that she is on my side, so she spoke with my boss today, but I still haven't heard the outcome of that.

I am also glad that we didn't get any snow here. I was so dreading it. I have been wanting to go to the outlets lately so I am considering driving there this weekend.

Just another Monday

Well it's Monday already and it seemed as if I woke up several times during the night. Then to make matters worse by the time I really got up, dressed and out the door, I had to let the damn car warm up for about 15 min. So there goes me being on time to work.

I am sitting here now dreading how my conversation with the boss will go about me letting her know that I applied for another position with a dept. that she doesn't care to much for. But hey whatever, she will just have to deal. If she fucks this up and gives me a shitty reference I will be so pissed.

Now the snows here and I am already sick of it.

Thanksgiving/Weekend

Well I have to say that I had an ok time down in Maryland. I got to experience my other halves sister in law's idea of a Thanksgiving dinner. She actually made a good turkey. But I almost died laughing when I asked her if she had any gravy and she replied with "my turkey doesn't have gravy." On Friday I went to a lot of stores there and the mall. Then Sat. I did the same thing. By the time we left on Sat. late afternoon, sit through traffic on the NJ Turnpike and all. I was glad to get into my own bed that night. Sunday was fucked up but hey they say things happen for a reason. Now it's Monday and back into the grind of things and not wanting to be here.

Thanksgiving

It's raining cats and dogs outside.

Thanksgiving is just around the corner and I am looking forward to it. We are going to Maryland tomorrow and will return on Sunday. I do have to say that I don't want to go to MD, I'd rather stay at home and do Thanksgiving with just our family. But I will put my smile face on and go. I did buy a Turkey though and will be cooking it when we get back.

Tomorrow I may work a half a day just so that I can get things together.

I am back from my trip to Boston. I am surprised that I actually had a good time. It was nice getting away from my regular old surroundings. My aunt was actually cool this weekend to. I was just waiting for her to say something fucked up like she always does but she didn't so that was good. Today it is so nice out so I am loving it. I didn't even have to put the heat on in the car. I wish we had more days like this for a while.

Trading Spouses

I just finished watching trading spouses, and I have to say it is one of the most craziest episodes that I have seen so far. If you watched it you know what I am talking about. Lady was straight crazy. I am watching the show like WTF....This Bitch is crazy. Damn did she think that everyone is supposted to to be into the church like her?? She took it to the extreme when she got home, screaming telling the camera crew to get out of the house....LMAO....what the hell oh yea then she is going to go as far as ripping up the letter from the other mom saying that they will not use any money that she delineated to them. ALL the while I am laughing my ass off. The the show ends and they put on the screen how the other mother has shared the money out and at the very end here's the shit. It says that "Margaret has decided to use the money" (Margaret is the crazy church one) Crazy ass bitch on tv talking all that shit and then turns and takes the money anyways....What did she think? Did she think that FOX was gonna go out like that and not let us know...OMG Some people.

*Thump it was crazy bumping into you the other day in Wally World, that was the last place I thought that i'd see anyone. Nice hair.

*Loc I am still waiting for you to update. Hmmmm...I wonder what the hold up is? No inspiration????

*Foxy you had me dying with your Whys!

*K I agree with you, we are very alike in ways.

This weekend was a busy one for me. My little girl turns 8 today. I can't belive how fast time has passed. Here is a picture of her yesterday. Well it's Monday and I am back in the grind of things.

Some people

Some people....some people amaze me everyday. They amaze me with the stupid things that piss them off. They amaze me with things that they do. They amaze me with their weird ways. Hmmmm....Some people

I had a long conversation with *S today and I learned so many things about *S that I couldn't believe. But one thing that I can say is that *S is a real good friend of mine.

Still in my process of gettting rid of old associates/friends all I can say is that it is going....Some still don't get it so I guess the nice route is not working, I will be resorting to being the bitch that they hate.

Randoms

I am unusually tired today. I have no idea why either. I guess that I need a break from the normal routine that I have. I feel that I am getting old on the inside but still looking young on the outside. *A told me that I need to slow down and take a break from all the running that I do, but the question is, how to I do that? Hmmmmm..... I am also stressing the fact that I have to dish out some major dollars for car repairs tomorrow. There goes my little extra spending cash. Hmmmmmmmm....I don't know how some people do it. I really need to get a little part time gig very very soon.

You know I have really been going over and over in my mind how to delete some people from my life/circle and it's really driving me crazy because I want to slowly weed them out but I am unsure how to go about it. I need to live my life way way different than it has been going so this is priority 1. I am so sick of the people/associates that try to surround me with all of their negativity. It's becoming a pain in the ass.

I will be celebrating another year on Sat. but I am not even excited. I guess because to me it's just another day. Just another day to be thankful that I made it to. I have seen so many that I have grown up with not even make it this far. (Sad) Since I have basically given up the club scenes I will just relax all day Sat. and try to have a stress free weekend.

Rain, Wind, and more Rain

I am officially sick of this New England weather. I damn near almost broke my neck this morning trying to carry my bag, purse, umbrella, and the baby this morning out to the car. The rain seems like it will never stop.

You

Last night I lay in bed not being able to sleep because I was thinking of you. Wishing you were here. Damn what have you done to me. Got me feeling a way that I haven't felt in a very long time. I am so so greatful to have you.

Rain Rain Go Away

I officially hate this weather. It has not only been raining since last Friday, but it is also cold as ever. OMG...I hate this. To make matters worse it is almost impossible for me to wake up on time in the morning. Ugggggh....

I am really looking forward to this weekend though. Just spending time with the family.

*Loc glad to see you reading my blog again.